How To Combat Seasonal Depression | 9 Ways to Better Manage Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

‘Tis the season for seasonal depression and you’re certainly not the only one feeling it. Many people get the winter blues when the weather turns and it’s not uncommon to feel extra down this time of year. Luckily, I’ve got your back and have a few tips and tricks to fight that seasonal depression when it comes around. 

Get Cozy : Hygge

My least favorite thing about winter is the cold. Being cold makes my body tense and feeling tense is the least relaxing thing in the world. Being cozy is super relaxing, though, and the best time to get cozy is during the winter. The Danes use the word hygge to describe the coziness of the season. To embody hygge, let the cold be an excuse to stay inside and relax after a long year. Allow yourself to rest and restore your energy. Buy some warm clothes and fuzzy socks to keep away the cold. Cuddle up with a blanket and a fun book. Light a candle and put on some soothing music. Do whatever feels warm and comforting to you.

Get Into Your Senses : Mindfulness

We often find ourselves with more free time on our hands in the winter because most of us spend less time outside the house when it’s cold. This can cause us to get in our heads even more than we usually do, which can exacerbate any anxiety and/or depression we’re already feeling. Instead of ruminating on the past or worrying about the future with that free time, try tuning in to the present with mindfulness by getting into your senses. Do something that engages only one of your senses or do something that engages all of your senses. Put on some essential oils, listen to ASMR, meditate, pet something fuzzy or furry, pay attention to all the flavors in your food. When you’re focused on the sensations you’re experiencing in the present, you don’t give your mind the time or space to spiral further into your depression.

Get Into Your Body : Stretch, Dance, Yoga, Massage

Another thing you can do to get out of your head is to get in to your body. Some people have a hard time with this one because they have negative beliefs about being in their body, but I’m telling you, if you can embrace your body and feel your body, it’s one of the most magical feelings in the world. Stretching was the catalyst that got me back into my body and I have raved about it ever since because of the wonderful feelings it’s led me to. If you don’t stretch, I’d strongly recommend it. You’ll realize your body has been trying to communicate with you by sending you aches, pains, and discomforts. Your body wants to be moved and touched. You’re allowed to move and touch it in whatever way feels good to you. Stretch, dance, practice yoga or give yourself a massage! It’s amazing how good you can make yourself feel just by loving on your body a little.

Get Light : Vitamin D

If the sun is shining, try to get outside! We need Vitamin D and many people are Vitamin D deficient during the wintertime. If you can’t bear the cold or the sun isn’t shining, try getting some Vitamin D supplements or invest in a Happy Light to supplement for sunshine.

Get Some Responsibilities : Plants Or A Pet

It’s easy to stay cozy in bed all day when it’s freezing outside and you don’t have any responsibilities to tend to, but staying in bed all day will likely make your depression worse. How do you feel when you realize it’s 5pm and you’re still in your pajamas in bed, not having moved all day except to get food or go to the bathroom? Yeah, usually not great. If you have things to take care of like plants or pets, you’re forced to get yourself out of bed to take care of these living things! And then you know what usually happens? You realize that the plant looks happier when you give it the nutrients it needs and the dog jumps for joy when he gets to move his body around outside. And then you realize you’re happier when you do these things, too. So you begin to take care of yourself as well.

Get Out Of The House : Find Events Around Town

If I spend too long in my house, I begin to feel trapped. It’s good to get out and about and there are tons of holiday events you can go to around town if you need to escape your home. Check out Facebook events for things going on around town or join a group on Meetup.com to make new friends and/or try new activities.

Get Social : Invite Friends Over For Cozy Nights In

Too many people neglect their social life in the winter months. People really don’t like getting out in the cold, but isolating ourselves from our friends for a whole season is much worse than exposing ourselves to the cold every once in a while. But if you really can’t stand the thought of getting out of the house, make the fun come to you! Plan a board game night, host a wine and paint event with the girls, cook dinner with friends, bake holiday cookies with your neighbors, or throw a holiday party with fancy drinks. Just get some friends over to your house and have yourselves a good old time.

Get A New Hobby : Cooking, Baking, Crafting, Music-Making

‘Tis the season for indoor hobbies! Print out those Pinterest recipes and craft instructions, head to your local grocery and/or craft store, and get to cooking (or crafting). Almost all of my hobbies have been born out of winter boredom and I’m so thankful when winter is in full force because it always reminds me to get back in touch with my creative side. I often neglect my ukulele and crafts throughout the year, but come winter, we reunite with a passion. There’s really nothing like the flow you get into when you’re being creative. Creative flow is also the pinnacle of mindfulness for me. Get into your flow with a new hobby.

Get Therapy : Talking To Someone Can Help

Sometimes you need more than just some stretching and a new hobby to get you out of your funk. Maybe it’s not coping skills you’re lacking… maybe it’s a pain or hurt you haven’t yet dealt with rising back up or a loss you haven’t grieved coming back around. Therapy can help you process through these things and find some healing from your pain. If you’ve never tried it, I’d highly recommend it!

In the Lexington, KY area and interested in starting therapy? Book an appointment with me! Not in the Lexington area but wanting to start therapy and not sure where to look? Check out my blog post on how to choose a therapist

How To Choose A Therapist : What To Know Before You Go To Therapy

So you want to start therapy but have no idea where to begin? 

You want help but you’re not sure what kind, you have insurance but you don’t know if it covers mental health services, and you’ve heard of CBT but it’s just another acronym to you. Don’t worry; I’m here to help walk you through all that today! Choosing a therapist can be a daunting task, but it doesn’t have to be. If you’re prepared with the right information, it can be a simple and painless process.

The first thing you need to do when starting this process is reflect on why you’re seeking help. Ask yourself: What do I want from therapy? Take some time on this one. Are you looking for a solution to a problem? Wanting to develop coping skills to better deal with life’s difficulties? Or hoping to gain insight into deep-rooted thought and behavior patterns that have been tripping you up? All of these things are wonderful, but it’s important to get specific on what you want so you can find the best therapist to help you work towards your goals for therapy.

Brief Therapy Versus Depth Therapy

If you’re seeking therapy because you want to find a solution to a problem or develop coping skills to better deal with a problem, you probably want to look for a therapist who practices some kind of brief therapy such as solution focused brief therapy or CBT. These therapies are focused on finding solutions to problems and therapists who practice this way are often more directive, giving you practical tools to deal with whatever you’re dealing with and make it better quickly.

If you’re seeking therapy because you want to gain insight into why you feel and act the way you do so that you can address your issues at the core, a depth-oriented therapy would probably be a better fit for you. A few examples of depth therapies are psychodynamic, existential-humanistic, gestalt, psychoanalytic, and Jungian. These types of therapies often explore patterns of thoughts and behaviors with curiosity around their origins. The idea is that when we’re able to gain insight into why we engage in certain thought and behavior patterns, we will realize our power and ability to change these patterns. This kind of therapy generally takes much longer than brief therapy but often results in longer-lasting improvements.

To help you understand… client presents with social anxiety:

Therapist A (Solution-focused therapist) approaches by: helping the client change their thoughts about how others perceive them and develop anxiety-reducing skills or behaviors (think relaxing breathing techniques or self-affirmations).

Therapist B (Insight-oriented therapist) approaches by: exploring the origin of the client’s social anxiety and digging in to some of their beliefs around how others perceive them. Deep-seated and long-held beliefs are often challenged and new perspectives are presented and explored.

*Most therapists integrate many theoretical orientations/approaches into their practice, so it’s likely that a therapist would say they practice both brief and depth therapies. Therapists often tailor their theoretical approach to what they feel is the best fit for their client and many times this incorporates elements of both solution-focused and insight-oriented therapies.

**If you know for sure you don’t want to talk about childhood trauma or your relationship with mom and dad, don’t go to a depth or insight-oriented therapist. 

***If you want more than just tips, tricks, and skills to better cope with what you’ve got going on, don’t go to a strictly solution-focused therapist.

Insurance Versus Private Pay

I get it, you have insurance (and you pay an arm and a leg for it every month), so you want to use it! Unfortunately, it’s not always that simple when it comes to mental health care. We live in a country where there’s a lot of money to be made off of sick people and not a lot of money put towards helping people stay well. Insurance providers only want to cover what is absolutely necessary medically to keep you alive (but maybe not thriving), so therapy isn’t always something that’s covered.

I want to help you make an informed decision on how you choose to pay for therapy, so I created this handy diagram to guide you through the decision-making process (because it’s a lot more involved than people think it is). I know it looks confusing, but this is as simple as I could make it. More detailed information following the diagram to help you better understand and make a decision about your payment method.

Counseling for: a mental health disorder or personal growth?

Go back to your motivation for seeking therapy. Are you seeking therapy because you’re hardly making it through the day and life is super unmanageable? If that’s the case, chances are you’ll meet criteria for a mental health disorder. This is something insurance will cover if your plan covers mental health care (not all plans do). In order for insurance to pay for your therapy, you must receive a diagnosis of pathology. If life is pretty manageable but you’re wanting to go to therapy because you know things could be better if you put some work in, insurance isn’t going to pay. Self-improvement and personal growth are not considered medical necessities and therefore are not covered by insurance.*

*You can try to use your insurance for this, but it puts your therapist in an awkward and ethically sticky spot where they either have to tell you they’re unwilling to give you a diagnosis because they don’t feel you meet criteria or they have to stretch the truth a little to prove to your insurance provider that you need this service.

I think I may qualify for a mental health disorder, should I use my insurance?

Maybe. A few things to consider before you decide one way or the other. First off, are you okay with a mental health diagnosis being on your permanent health record? A few reasons you might not want that: could disqualify you from life insurance (a diagnosis of depression causes you to be seen as more at-risk for suicide) or cause your premiums to be higher than what they normally would be, could cause you to be denied from the military or security clearances, and you could potentially be treated differently by health professionals (or whoever else has access to your medical record) because of the diagnosis you have been given. If these are concerning to you, you may want to avoid going the insurance route. If these things aren’t concerning to you, insurance could be a great option.

What will my insurance cover?

To find out what kind of mental health coverage your insurance plan provides, you can call the number on the back of your insurance card to inquire about coverage. Some insurance providers don’t cover any mental health services, so if that’s the case, you’ll need to pay out of pocket for services and leave the insurance company out of it.

Some insurance providers require you to reach your deductible before they begin paying for any part of your therapy, so if this is the case for you, it’s important to know what you’re deductible is and whether you think you’re going to meet the deductible at some point throughout the year. Many people are on plans with super high deductibles that they never meet and these people may be better off choosing to not use insurance because their insurance most likely won’t be kicking in anyways.

Some insurance plans only require you to pay a co-pay (and they pay the rest) when you see a therapist, and this is usually when it is most beneficial to utilize your insurance. Ask your insurance provider what your co-pay for counseling services is so that you know what you’re getting yourself into financially.

Some insurance plans will cover a portion of out-of-network care. Ask your insurance provider if you have any out of network benefits, as you may be able to get reimbursed for part of your therapy cost even if your provider doesn’t accept your insurance. Your therapist will need to provide you with a superbill or receipt of services to send in to your insurance company for reimbursement and this is something that most therapists are willing to do if you ask.

I don’t think I’m eligible to utilize my insurance for therapy, but I don’t think I can afford privately paying a therapist. Help! 

Therapy can be expensive and not everybody can afford the going rate of a weekly counseling session. Luckily, therapists understand this and many are accommodating of people who can’t afford the full fee. Some therapists offer a sliding scale fee schedule to accommodate clients with financial constraints and those who don’t offer this are often able to refer you to someone who is within your price range. You can also pay for therapy with an HSA or FSA account if you have one of those, which is pre-tax dollars. Also, don’t be afraid to rearrange or eliminate some of your daily, weekly, or monthly expenses to free up some cash for therapy. Making more home-cooked meals and cutting out alcohol or other unnecessary luxuries never hurt anyone that I know. Plus, the more you actively value your personal growth, the more growth usually happens.

Okay, I think I know what kind of therapy I want to do and how I want to pay… what now? 

The fun part… now you get to look for a therapist! Psychology Today is a great place to go to find a therapist as the majority of counselors/therapists are on this site. For that reason, I’ll mainly focus on Psychology Today’s features but I would also like to give a shoutout to a new therapist directory site called Therapy Den because the search options are way better than Psychology Today’s in my opinion. There aren’t nearly as many therapists on it yet since it’s new, but it’s a wonderful site that’s focused on social justice and inclusivity, so if you’re looking for a therapist who is especially open to minority groups or oppressed individuals, this is a good site to check out.

 If you type in counselor/counseling/therapist/therapy and your city and state, chances are Psychology Today will be one of the first sites listed, which is why most therapists are on this site. If you look at the search tools, you can filter therapists by specialties, approaches, gender, faith, ages they work with, insurances they take, languages they speak, and sexualities they’re comfortable working with. Most everything but the price of the session (which irks me because I think health professionals need to be up front about the price you’re going to have to pay for their services- but that’s for another time).

Filter out therapists based on whatever’s important to you. If your sexual identity is important to you, make sure you find a therapist who is affirming of that. If you want someone of the same faith, filter for that. If you’re struggling with a specific issue, look at who specializes in that in your area. If you’re looking for someone to help you develop skills to better deal with life’s obstacles, pick someone who seems competent and sounds like they know what they’re doing. If you’re looking for someone to help you explore the depths of your soul, pick someone you think you could connect and be vulnerable with. This is the fun part. Shop around. This is a huge decision. You’re about to choose someone to walk with you on your journey to becoming a happier, healthier you.

If you’re unsure about whether a therapist would be a good fit, ask them whatever questions you need answered so that you can feel confident about going into your first session. Therapists know that first sessions can be scary and most are willing to do a short phone consultation or at least answer whatever questions you have via email to make you feel more comfortable with beginning therapy. If a therapist doesn’t get back to you after you reach out to them, they may not have enough time in their schedule for new clients. Don’t let that discourage you, there are lots of options! And if you had a first session with someone and it didn’t go well, you don’t have to go back! You’re allowed to try out therapists for good fit and you don’t need to feel committed to the first one you try.

Happy hunting!

If you’re in the Lexington, KY area and looking for insight-oriented depth therapy, I might be your girl! I don’t do insurance but I have a very reasonable (at least in my opinion) sliding scale ranging from $60-$100. I especially love working with young adults in transition but I also specialize in working with those struggling with eating disorders and addictions if that’s something you’re looking for. Shoot me an email if you’re thinking about therapy or go ahead and book an appointment if you’re ready to get started!

The Case For Polyamory : Dispelling Myths About Open Relationships

Polyamory means ‘many loves’

Polyamory is a relationship structure that involves consensual non-monogamy. People who engage in polyamory acknowledge that it is possible to have many loves at once and that the love of one does not necessarily take away from the love of another. This counters the mono-normative culture we live in that encourages one romantic or sexual partner at a time. 

Polyamory can take many forms

I’ve talked to people who assume that all polyamorous people are super kinky or highly interested in sex, which isn’t always true and is sometimes far from the truth. Some people do choose a polyamorous relationship structure to enjoy more sexual freedom, which is wonderful, but there are other reasons people choose this structure as well. Some people find their way to polyamory through an intellectual journey that leads them to question the monogamous structure. Other people choose polyamory as a way of relieving themselves of the pressure of meeting their partner(s) needs (sexually or otherwise), especially when there is desire discrepancy or one partner identifies as asexual. 

Monogamy hasn’t always been the norm

There are a lot of theories as to why monogamy is currently the norm in our society and I believe it’s a mixture of social, political, and cultural influences. Before monogamy, there was community. You contributed to your community in whatever way you could, and in return, you got to share in the bounty of your community. If your community was thriving, so were you. If it was struggling, you were also. Things took a turn when some people decided that they wanted to pursue security over community. They realized that if they could claim property and children, they could have their own workforce profiting only them. Securing a fertile, monogamous mate could likely lead you to securing more resources for yourself as you put your children to work earning for the smaller family unit rather than the community. 

Monogamy can help us feel more secure

Since the destruction of the community, it can feel like monogamy is all we have to find security in anymore. It’s better to have one person we can partner up with and who will promise to help us out when we need it than to have none. We cling to monogamy because we need to feel like someone is on our team through thick and thin. 

Monogamy can feel like a lot of pressure 

Then there’s this weird idea in our society that the person we are romantically involved with is supposed to be everything for us. They’re supposed to meet our emotional, physical, spiritual, and intellectual needs. We shouldn’t have to go anywhere else for these things, especially not for our physical needs. But you would never expect one friend to meet all of your needs for you, would you?! You recognize that some friends stimulate you intellectually and others stimulate you emotionally and you know that it’s wonderful you have more than one friend for this reason. 

Polyamory encourages return to community 

People who are polyamorous don’t believe that there is someone out there who completes them or who is their ‘other half’; they believe that their life is enriched by exploring relationships and learning with many people. They trust that the giving of love will multiply love for everyone rather than take away love from one. They give their partners freedom to explore connections so that they can have as much joy and intimacy in their life as possible. 

Polyamory may lead to:

-more freedom in the way you love others

-more friends/lovers/support 

-less pressure to be the sole support for your partner(s)

-feeling more loved by your partner(s) as you see that they want you to be happy and feel loved even if it brings up insecurities and challenging feelings for them

-more self-reflection and challenging of the status quo as you find that a partner sharing love with another does not take away from the love that you have with them (as society has taught you to believe)

Polyamory takes a lot of work and a lot of unlearning 

Monogamy works for some people (most likely people with great support from a community). And polyamory works for other people. Both of these relationship structures have their own benefits and challenges and ultimately you are the only person that can decide what’s best for you. I am an advocate for less judgment around ‘alternative relationship structures’ as I feel we should always encourage more love in the world. Opening up a relationship requires a lot of trust and communication, so I would not recommend it to everyone. It can be hard work to challenge some of the beliefs that we have around what a relationship should look like and can be difficult to navigate the jealousy and possessiveness that can come up when practicing consensual non-monogamy. This process can be made easier by talking to other poly people about their experiences or by working with a therapist who is knowledgeable about polyamory.

Considering opening up your relationship? Or just feeling unhappy about your current relationship setup? Schedule an appointment with me to talk things out and explore the best way to proceed with your relationship. 

You Deserve To Take Up Space Whether You're _____ (Funny, Smart, Pretty, Nice) Or Not

Self-Worth: Knowing that you don’t need to earn your space

Lately I’ve been working with some amazing people who have this belief that they must earn their space in this world. They must be funny, smart, beautiful, interesting, or attached to a man to be deserving of space. They feel they’re not inherently worthy of taking up space. But if they do enough for those around them, maybe they will be allowed space. Or if they provide enough entertainment/value/wisdom, maybe they will be given space. Or if they attach themselves to someone else, maybe they can take up a small part of their space. I want to let you know right now: YOU DESERVE TO TAKE UP SPACE. No matter how funny, interesting, or smart you are or aren’t. No matter who you’re attached to. No matter what anybody else says. You do not need to earn your space.  

Self-worth: Knowing that you are good just the way you are

So, where does this belief come from? I assume it’s from the many years of being told (directly or indirectly) we’re not right, we’re not good, or we’re not enough if we don’t follow these rules [of society]. In childhood, we’re often told to suppress certain behaviors, thoughts, or feelings because they’re not acceptable to our family unit or society in general. 

Self-worth: Knowing that we don’t have to follow society’s rules

Reject the rules that say don’t talk like that because the ideas and language you’re using are unacceptable and will make people think poorly of you (and possibly result in rejection). Don’t pleasure yourself because exploring your sexuality and seeking pleasure (or space for yourself in this world) is morally wrong. Don’t eat that food because it will cause you to take up more space physically in this world, which is seen as undisciplined and greedy (therefore bad).

Self-worth: Knowing you are wholly worthy of being seen

For a child, these messages often translate into ‘certain parts of me or certain desires/passions of mine are unacceptable or unworthy of being seen.’  We as a society teach our young that certain desires, passions, identities, and interests should be avoided or hidden in order to be accepted into society. If we hide these parts of ourselves, we don’t feel totally free (and that’s a shame). But if we show them, we risk being rejected, told that we don’t belong, and feeling that we must earn our space back by following the rules more closely.

Choose freedom over confinement

If you feel at odds with yourself because you want to show more of your true self to the world but feel that this will lead to rejection, please choose the possibility of rejection over the confinement of society’s rules. You deserve to take up space simply because you exist. If someone has told you otherwise, maybe they’re trying to inhabit a space they shouldn’t be in or maybe you need to move your space elsewhere. There is space for you in this world, but maybe you just haven’t found where that space is yet. Keep looking!